Facebook Gets Meta

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Goodbye Facebook; Hello World, Meet Meta.

It’s Not as Easy as “Abracadabra”

‘Marky Mark and the Facebook Bunch’ have long fascinated me by their abilities to say and do absolutely nothing in the face of immense public outrage. Through Jedi Mind tricks and complicated hand gestures which would make even Pai Mei proud, they never face any real consequences or responsibility. It’s as though all it takes is another, “The Executives you’re looking for are not here…

The newest rabbit being pulled from Zuckerberg’s hat is the corporation’s first major brand change. Remember when Google kept the name for its star product but adopted “Alphabet” for its over-arching, umbrella company? It’s the same kind of thing. Facebook has long been aware of the rolling dumpster fire its brand has become, working hard to keep Instagram as loosely branded with Facebook as possible in the first years following its acquisition.

Now, apparently, they’ve decided its best to abandon ship altogether. Mark my words – this will lead into a longer-term play in which Facebook’s platform is broken into a few key features, to be repositioned as tightly-integrated “Metaverse” services. In the end, Meta would like “Facebook” to fade quietly into the background until it dissolves completely from our collective consciousness.

What’s best about this new brand shift is that all the features you’ve grown to hate about Facebook will definitely stay in place, as nothing about the system’s toxic societal effects or rapacious, profit-at-all-cost algorithms, will change an iota – just the fluff.

Marky Mark and the Facebook Bunch roll out their new brand change

With all the grace of a unevenly tied marionette, Mark radiates excitement as he effortlessly glides across the presentation floor stands in one spot and projects a natural, fluid confidence flails his arms in near-perfect, humanlike gestures. He can barely contain his giddiness or the hydraulic system held in place by his titanium-woven sweater. So much less animatronic now, I could almost see Mark on stage with those impressive, 2000-era Showbiz Pizza band upgrades.

Obviously, changing one’s brand changes nothing about the underlying corporation or its systemic problems. Facebook’s board has been telling us for years now that they’re just about to reign in or make significant changes to. What’s really changed, though? Facebook continues to steal news content from broadcast networks, poach and swallow up all competition, bully developers with their platform, evade paying taxes or any social or legal accountability… and let’s not forget FarmVille 😱


More Meta than Meta

Oh wait, it gets better. It turns out another company in already filed for the “Meta” well before Facebook did, and has been operating under the name in Arizona for two years already. Facebook not only knew this but had been negotiating with them –in secret, of course, disguising their identity as Company X– so they could sail through any legal challenges. Unfortunately, news began to surface that Facebook may in fact be that Company X. Mark also wet his pants that morning, so he decide what the fuck – let’s just go with it.

Facebook is above the law, after all, so what’s a little preexisting trademark and copyright infringement? Throw in the trampling of an existing business’s rights and it sounds like the same old, same old: “Facebook is as Facebook does”

and really…
What’s More “Meta” than THAT?

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By Adam Schuster
    

   

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